Do you ever feel the following?
What's the fuss about Valentine's Day?
I'm not sure I've ever been in love
I don't understand romantic films or people who can't help who they fall in love with?
I'm very fond of my partner but if he/she left me, I wouldn't feel devastated
I love my family, friends or pets
Firstly, you're not alone and most importantly, you're not abnormal. Sexuality and intimacy is on a scale and can include many variations of feelings. This lack of feeling of romantic love is called 'AROMANTIC'.
It does not mean you can't feel love; it just means you don't have any interest in romantic love and believe it or not, it is more common than you think.
All through my life I have struggled to feel the same things as other people. I didn't understand why when someone broke up with me, I didn't feel completely bereft and was able to just carry on with little emotional fallout. My friends would be weeping with grief and loss and I just assumed I was made of stronger stuff. Even at the end of my marriage, I walked away unscathed emotionally. I started to question my mentality and my ability to love and as a woman, I felt doubly lacking in the 'love' gene and society expecting our gender to not be able to have even causal flings without catching feelings
Until the day I was 'saved' by my wonderful sex coach mentor, Gretchen Shanks. During a particularly painful reveal, Gretchen asked me a question 'Do you feel that it's ruining your life or are you happy as you are?'
I replied 'I'm happy as I am'. Then she said 'You're AROMANTIC' and explained what it meant and how to navigate my life as one.
It was a revelation and a comforting one too..Instead of looking at it as a curse, it was in fact a gift and I embraced it. I could have any type of relationship and I would be fulfilled because I didn't have any romantic expectations.
After having a recent conversation with a good friend, he also confessed to feeling the same as me but just thought there was something wrong with him; until I enlightened him. He too felt relief realising that he was perfectly normal and it was an alternative to society's expectations of what relationships should be.
Today, I feel empowered being AROMANTIC and would encourage anyone who is to not feel shame, embarrassment or fear. You're not devoid of feelings, you do have empathy and you can feel love.
I would love to hear from others who know or suspect they are AROMANTIC.